I stand alone
by tobi the blarg monster
Summary: Shinobi aren't allowed to express feelings of emotion...Kakashi wants nothing more than to protect his village, no emotions attached than that of duty. Only blood drenched memories come from those that you allow to get close.
1. Chapter 1

'_I stand alone'_, he thought, gazing at the memorial for many of the Hidden Leaves fallen shinobi. The rain beating down, running through his silver hair and caressing his scalp. He had been standing there admiring the stone for a little more than six hours now. It was probably around three in the afternoon, he couldn't tell; the sky was still dark from the rain.

'_I stand alone',_ his mind repeated to himself. The dark thoughts permeating his mind of the many times that anyone and everyone he cared about was stolen from him. He stared at the ground, eyes growing heavy from forced back emotions.

'_Shinobi do not let their emotions show. Especially in battle…',_ his brow furrowed, thinking of when Obito was lost, half of his body crushed. Or Rin…no he didn't need to let his mind go to those places. The pain was too great to think back on…

He raised his head to look at the sky, the sun peering through and the rain letting up to fall softly around him.

"Hey, Kakashi", a voice called out. The jonin didn't move.

'_How could I let someone get behind me so easily…'_, he gave a small laugh at how pitiful he was being.

"I'm coming…give me a little longer, Guy", Kakashi managed to say, already knowing that none other than his rival would be the only one to come looking for him. He didn't want anyone closer than that. A rival. That was the closest thing to him and he liked it that way. Others tried to break that lonesome barrier he'd developed, they had only put a few cracks, but never penetrated that mind-made armor.

"Alright, Kakashi. Just don't think too much", Maito said in his usual unique voice. His eyes saddened thinking of how Kakashi must feel after so much. Especially with Sarutobis passing happening just weeks ago. He glanced one last time at the copycat ninja before leaving him to think to himself as he had found him.

Kakashi's head looked back down to the damp grass, the rain coming to a stop. His eyes looking back to the stone memorial before he whispered, "Here I am…Obito…and I stand alone".


	2. Chapter 2

He sighed as he pulled himself away from the tomb embodiment, rebuilding his lackluster composure before anyone could truly see him for what he was becoming. Something needed to change, something needed to happen…or someone. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he needed someone. A man, woman, it didn't matter, just someone to keep him going…

The Jonin hadn't even noticed he was really walking or where he was going. He was so drowned in thought that he just couldn't bring himself to really focus…

"Kakashi!" oh boy what now the silver haired man rolled his eyes.

"Oh hello Asuma," He turned and shot a hand up not really waving but acknowledging anyway.

Asuma was panting when he reached Kakashi, who had slowly retracted his "waving" arm.

"Have…have you...spoke to Lady Tsunade yet?" The brunette forced in between breaths looking at Kakashi almost panicked.

'_Greaaaat…and now something else was wrong'_

"Im guessing I should go there right now," Kakashi deducted what the man was trying to say.

"It's…its Sasuke…" Asuma trailed off as Kakashi's lone eye widened before he darted to the Hokage tower.

~L~

After probably an hour of talk between the copycat and the Fifth, Kakashi finally agreed that he would leave the mission in the newly promoted chunin, Shikamaru's hands. He felt he was going mad. Everything he knew and was coming to grow into it was being torn from him once again. Those kids…no, those _shinobi_. The ones he wasn't allowed to care about, the ones he had to treat as fellow soldiers like himself and not his family.

'_Then why can't I get those brats out of my head!' _he fought inwardly to find answers but only plunged his mind into a darker place than before. Thinking there was something wrong with himself. That this isn't right. He needed help. His feet had carried him to the east of town, close by the school.

Then an idea roused its way to the surface of his brain. '_I know what I'll do…Iruka can help me im sure of it.' _He helped so many students that he had to know how to cure him of this, this disease of sorts,


End file.
